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The Show is Over, Say Good-bye   
08:32pm 15/10/2005
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It had been five years since Stacey McGill had transferred to Stoneybrook University. Five years which she spent her time finding who she was outside of the Baby-Sitters Club, outside of Sam Thomas, and outside of her constantly bickering parents.

Toward the beginning of her sophomore year, Stacey realized she needed more help than she could give herself. She began seeing a therapist, a young man in his mid-twenties, who understood. Who would listen to her problems, offer suggestions, and tilt his head thoughtfully as she talked. Stacey found herself at ease with him, and before she knew it, they were dating.

Brock proposed at her college graduation-a long, painful journey, but she made it just the same. Within the year, they were married.
An AnnouncementCollapse )
Eight months later, a week early, as little Lorraine would find herself being most of her life, Stacey gave birth to her baby girl. A miniature replica of her mother, Lorraine was beautiful, mature for her age, and wise. Most importantly though, Stacey made sure Lorraine always knew that she was special. And that if she ever needed to talk about anything, Stacey was there. She never wanted her daughter to feel the same, empty, hopelessness that she had for so long. Her father may have been a therapist, but her mother? She'd actually been there.
12:41pm 25/06/2005
mood: nervous
So...I'm trying. I really am.

I'm going to a concert tonight with Erica and Pete. I'm talking to Laine on a regular basis. I even saw Sam the other day at the mall and didn't burst into random tears. My numbers are looking...well, closer to normal than they were, and I'm not screwing around with my insulin anymore. And thanks to being inspired by Sunny Winslow I even went and applied for jobs at Bellair's, Baby and Company, and Zingy's.

I can do this. I can be normal again. I can be the old Stacey McGill.

It's just so hard.
Long Time Coming   
11:48pm 13/05/2005
mood: empty
I've talked to Claudia. I've talked to Charlotte. I've even talked to and apologized to Laine.

So why am I still so...empty?

My blood sugar is still high, though I've gotten it much closer to normal. I was getting really worried, but I think I'll be okay now. As long as I step away from my roommate's junk food, and as I'll be home by the end of next week, that shouldn't be a problem.

Now to just head home and deal with Mom and Mike, and my grades...my lovely, big fat failing grades.
Spinning and Turning and Twisting   
01:07pm 20/04/2005
mood: cranky
The good things:

Claudia called. And we talked. REALLY talked. I admitted I'm thinking of leaving New Paltz (before I fail so badly they kick me out) and coming back to Stoneybrook. She told me she's stressed with work and bored being there in Stoneybrook. We're going to a show and MOMA with Mom this weekend. I don't think I realized how much I'd missed her.

Also talked to Char, and got my birthday present from her in the mail. I KNEW how much I missed her. She seems to be fitting in okay, minus the stresses of being the youngest girl in SHS.

The bad things:

Laine and I? Still not talking, even though she HAD to have had the baby by now. She was due almost a month ago.

Sam? Sadly, I barely think of him. He's what started this whole mess, in some ways, and now I just don't have the energy to care.

I fainted in front of my class the other day. I tried to play it off as lack of sleep, that I'd been up all night studying-yeah. Right. Even my professor looked at me skeptically. I have to at least try and stay on track for this weekend, though, because both Claudia and my mom know me too damn well to let me get away with it.

And I'm officially failing-well, pretty much everything. Thank God for statistics and algebra, or my GPA this semester would more than likely be 0. Is that even possible? OK, I'm getting a D in English Comp so far, but still.
08:07am 04/04/2005
mood: hurt
I'd like to just take a moment to say that even though it shouldn't surprise me anymore, it still really hurts that none of my friends called or e-mailed or anything for my birthday. No announcements on the board like I usually do, no quick, "Hey Stace, happy birthday!" e-mails... This time last year Sam was giving me roses, Claudia had brought a sugar-free cake to school, and the girls had decorated my locker and my desk in homeroom.

If I give you a cookie, can I go back to high school?

Wait-that's right can't have cookies... Minus the half a bag of Oreos I plowed through last night...but I'm not gaining weight, haha...insulin is your friend, Stacey

At least Mom is coming up this weekend and we're going into the city to see a show for my birthday. Yay...Wicked? Rent? Les Mis? Anything not produced by Mr. Cummings... *sigh* Decisions decisions...
I Don't Know Where to Go From Here...   
07:27am 28/03/2005
mood: depressed
I'm so scared. I've basically destroyed my own life. I thought when I got to college I'd be so cool and popular, just like in high school. I thought the world owed me a living, and I thought it would be okay to brush off Sam a time or two when he came for visits. I thought it would be fine to only call Laine when I needed her, and to only visit Claudia every one in a while when I was in town. I thought it would show how cool I was if I skipped a couple of classes here and there, and I thought it would be okay if I cheated on my diet a few times, and just kicked up the insulin.

...who the hell was I kidding?

What do I think I am, some kind of princess? Despite my beliefs in high school, I'm not royalty, and I sure don't deserve to be treated as such. Sam had every right to dump me, and while I wish he hadn't chosen Laine in my place, I got what was coming to me. And I should try to be more understanding of Laine-she's full of hormones right now, and Sam really is a great guy. He's a protector, which she needs.

All skipping classes is doing is getting me failing grades, which just makes me want to go less. And screwing with my diet...well, I've lost 15 pounds which is just wonderful, except I didn't really need to lose them. I'm dehydrating like crazy, and I can actually feel the keto kicking in. I'm going to try and get back to normal on my own...if my doctor found out what I've been doing, I'll be in serious trouble, but I may not have another choice.

I keep feeling like I desperately need to reach out to someone...but I don't think there's anyone to reach out to. Charlotte's such a good listener, but she's too young to have to handle my burdens, and Mary Anne's always been a good listener, but I don't think she was too receptive to any of us when we met up over Christmas. I could swallow my pride and call Laine, but it still hurts. There's Claudia, but after I snapped at her, I don't think she'd WANT me calling. I should at least e-mail her back, I guess.

My life is spiraling out of control, and I don't know how to change it. I don't know how to get it back on track.

What happens when the girl who has it all, loses everything?
Kidnapped Survey   
01:19pm 23/03/2005
mood: irritated
Stole it from claudia_lynn

-- Name: Stacey McGill
-- Birthplace: New York City, New York
-- Current Location: New Paltz, NY
-- Eye Color: blue
-- Hair Color: blond
-- Height: 5'7"
-- Right or Lefty: Rightie

The rest...Collapse )
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I Hate Them...I Hate Them All   
09:38pm 20/03/2005
mood: enraged
No one came to my party. My damn party bombed. Big time. Even Jessi called about an hour before to apologize and say she had to baby-sit.

When did my life fall to pieces? And what makes Claud think she's worthy of just magically coming back into my life? It's been months since she bothered.

I'm losing everything. I was so bad last night...I splurged. I'd bought some ice cream and some junk food for the party. I ate every bit of it. Then I tried to cover up for it by upping my insulin. Not the brightest move. I spent all morning throwing up, and I wasn't even hung over.

Shit. I could've killed myself, and sadly I wonder if anyone other than Mom and Dad and maybe Samantha (I don't really think Michael would) would care?

(ooc:Lauren, we never discussed really how Jessi would not be coming to the party, but I didn't want to make a thread just for that one moment so I ad-libbed a little bit...if you want me to change it, just let me know)
6 No's and a Yes...My Life Pretty Much Sucks   
07:15am 16/03/2005
mood: lonely
Well golly...NO one seems to be coming to my party. At this rate it'll be me and Jessi hanging out at my house. I didn't really expect Cary or Cokie to come...they pretty much just do things that benefit them. But Logan has a golf tournament, which I guess I should've expected, Mallory's hanging out with the cheerleaders (geez, girls, thanks for the invite-I'd BETTER not find out any other alumni are going!), and everyone else seems preoccupied. I don't know what else I was expecting, but something more than this.

I know Mary Anne won't go unless she knows for sure Kristy's not coming, and I haven't heard from Kristy in ages so she's probably not. Claud called yesterday to tell me she can't because she's on some art retreat this weekend.

Haven't heard from Laine, but I figure that's pretty much a given. But I am going to stop by the baby shower Sheila's throwing her and drop off my presents. It's not like I can return them. I got the baby...Juliet, I think, some Bloomingdale's bloomers (cause every NYC girl should have some), a few receiving blankets, a copy of Pat the Bunny, a faux leopard fur outfit, and every baby's trademark Tiffany rattle. I bought them as soon as we found out she was having a girl, and it doesn't seem fair to take it all back. I am, however, not staying. I'll drop off the stuff with Sheila, run by to see Dad, and head back to school. Just a few more days till break...I'm still looking forward to not being at school, even if it means being trapped in Stoneybrook with so-called friends.

Sam even told me he wasn't coming. Big shocker. He said it'd be better for me, but let's face it, he's probably going to be with Laine. If I sound hurt, it's because I am.
08:12am 15/03/2005
mood: confused
Dad gave a great big fat NO to the idea of the Cozumel Cruise. I think he suspects what went on last Spring Break. No need to worry about that this year, though, Dad, especially not the Sam Thomas part. Why worry about him when he's worried about Laine?

I don't know if I'm more hurt or pissed off about that.

To get back at Dad, I'm spending Spring Break in Stoneybrook with Mom and Michael...who I then find out aren't even going to be home for most of it. Well, that's nice. I'm throwing a party on Saturday. So I'll get to get back at her, too!

I don't know if I'm more hurt or pissed off about that, either.

You know who I miss? Not Laine or Sam, or Claudia, or Mary Anne, or Austin or Pete...I miss Kristy. She's always so down to earth, and matter-of-fact. I could use a dose of that in my life. I also miss Char. Someone who used to look up to me. So much for that, I wouldn't WANT her looking up to me these days!!
02:36pm 08/03/2005
mood: anxious
Please someone tell me it's not really still 3 months till this semester ends!! And another 2 weeks before Spring Break, even. Why is our Spring Break so darn late this year?

I can't decide where to go to this year for SB...Don't want to go to Stoneybrook...small town, and all. NYC has too many memories. What if I went away this year? Not to Florida, of course. Somewhere different.

I figure Dad owes me for the fish thing.

English Comp test tomorrow...gotta go study.
Never a Good Sign...   
01:00pm 02/03/2005
mood: gloomy
I just got a D on a design project. A D!!!! I really thought I was getting the hang of it. What I need is Claudia, but she's been so busy with her own issues lately, getting in touch with her is just about impossible.

I wish I could talk to Laine. I really do. But right now... I just don't have it in me. I've got so much going on that I really can't deal with that now. Lindsey says I'm jealous. I'm not, exactly. I loved Sam. Truly loved him. But I didn't know how to tell him that, I let him slip away...and then she comes along and snaps him up.

Honestly? That's SO Laine. I was reading through my diary today, and hit the entry where I pretty much dumped her as a friend. We'd been heading for a fall for so long, I guess it shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. She was always a bit snobby, but back then so was I. Not to mention I was always such a damn sheep. I followed everything she said. Then when I was diagnosed with diabetes... My mind keeps flashing back to that damn sleepover. And Diedre's apartment. And...eew. I would've been freaked out if I was Laine, too, but she could've showed some compassion and she never did.

I thought she'd changed. I really had high hopes for us, even when she went out with Chad and I told her that wasn't a good idea. But she wouldn't listen. She never does. Why?

All I want is to go home and hug my mom, and cry on her shoulder. I still can't unbury my car from the snow, and someone said we're getting more. Besides, I can't tell her...she's still friends with Mrs. Cummings, and I can't bring her down like that.

Cheerleading practice? Whatever. Our basketball team sucks.
You Don't Know What It's Like   
10:28am 22/02/2005
mood: jealous
I skipped classes the other day to go see Laine. Two classes to be exact. I missed statistics which is nothing I can't catch up on, but I also missed design, and we're just going over using CAD on the computer. It's going to take a week to get caught up.

Laine...where do I start? I probably freaked her out, just showing up at her door ranting and raving. But I don't care. She claims she had no idea I still had feelings for Sam, but I DID tell her. I think she just didn't hear what I had to say, or misunderstood or...I dunno, something. We were finally getting close again. I finally felt like I really knew her. Ever since the 8th grade when she got "too cool" for me...well, I don't know. Maybe I never did reconnect with her like I should have.

And Sam...wow, let's not even go there. How many years have I wanted him now? 6? First he was too old, then I was too young (does that make sense?) then his friends teased, and my friends teased, and Kristy... Oh, and do I need to even mention the Abby scandal? Then finally...FINALLY he was mine. All mine. Stupid college. Who needs it? Honestly. My Mom didn't go to college. Of course, my Dad did, and he was the breadwinner in their relationship. But dammit, why couldn't I have at least gone somewhere simple, like UConn or NYU or...geez, I even got accepted to Columbia. Why did I have to go and complicate things?

I wonder if he does the things for her that he used to do for me. Does he play with her hair? Call her beautiful? Pick out a star and call it hers? Hold her closer during the scary parts of a movie? And she's pregnant. Just the nail in my coffin, you know? He's probably going to love and cuddle her baby that's not even his, and I'm going to have to ride off into the sunset. Alone. Yippee.

Suddenly I'm not really feeling like going to marketing today. I'm sure I can get the notes from Maggie. And good grief if I didn't forget my insulin. I guess I should run do that now. I'm such an idiot, I've been doing this for almost 7 years. *sigh*
How...the Hell...   
07:22pm 16/02/2005
mood: angry
How could I have missed it? Why was I such an idiot? I can't believe I NEVER went and read Laine's journal. They've been entertaining this...flirtation, for months now! Well, weeks at least. STILL! They've been kissing...and she never told me. If it had been any other guy, she'd have called me almost immediately and we'd have gossiped till 2am or she'd have driven out here and we would've compared notes over a gallon of sugar free ice cream (yes, they DO make such a thing).

I was so pissed off tonight I didn't eat...big mistake. I got really woozy about an hour ago. Had to pull out the glucerna bars. They don't taste bad, but it's just the point that I had to eat one. Dammit.

Now for some sulking...

What you did was lowCollapse )
11:16am 13/02/2005
mood: pissed off
Your Future! by sum41prin
Name or LJ username:
Location:Lake Titicaca, Peru
Job:nursing home butt wiper
How much youll make per year:$85,995
Quiz created with MemeGen!

The fact that Neuchwanstein Castle (feature in the pic, I paid attention in World History) is featured in the picture and is in Germany, not in Lake Titicaca, Peru, doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I'm making almost $86,000 a year as a butt wiper and riding...what the hell is that, a donkey?? Though I guess that makes sense since those hills are not easy to climb.

I want to go to Germany, actually. I want to get as far the hell away from New York, Connecticut, and two people in particular.
Picking Up the Pieces   
08:53am 13/02/2005
mood: hurt
No...no no no no no this can NOT be happening.

Sam and Laine? Together?? Why?!? And why didn't I see this coming? She's pregnant, for God's sake, and lives in New York. Why?!?!?!

And why wasn't I enough for him?
Oh good grief...   
02:29pm 02/02/2005
mood: blah
How incredibly sad is it that in my miserable, boring, pathetic life, all I can be happy about right now is that at least American Idol is back for the season?

I used to be popular and had tons of friends. I used to be smart, and pretty, and...well, conceited apparently! Now look at me! I feel like I'm withering away here.

Going to Wal-Mart now to rummage in the $5.99 DVD bins with my suitemate Lindsey. Imagine, me! Stacey McGill! At Wal-Mart!! What has this world come to?
Oh Crap...   
11:10am 31/01/2005
  Sam wants me to call him. *sigh* I haven't talked to him in a few weeks...since he told me. Why am I suddenly sick to my stomach? Could he want to get back together? Maybe???  
Bored Bored Bored Bored Cheerleading Homework and Bored   
11:26am 21/01/2005
mood: why does bored bear cry?

Jerry Springer Takes Over Live Journal
LJ Username
Favorite Color
Was abducted by aliens: laurlaurhoffman
Slept with their spouses' parents: byron_pike
Had a threesome with their dog: tiffany_k
Is a midget who ran away from the circus: miss_sheila_mcg
Was raised by a pack of wolves: krusher_kristy
The person in the audience screaming: bsc_mallory
This cool quiz by nycsunshine - Taken 1573 Times.
New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!

More more more more more!Collapse )
I have got to get a life. Off to Design 1. Something about fabrics or colors today.
My Show...All Mine!   
11:04am 12/01/2005
mood: silly
My LiveJournal Sitcom
shopping_stace's Life (ABC, 2:30): shopping_stace (Suzanne Somers) dances with cokie_cookie (Heather Locklear). Upstairs, dancing_jessi (Al Pacino) learns a card trick from nyc_laine (Kirstie Alley). Afterwards, jordan_pike (Dustin Hoffman) nixes sarahill (Brigitte Bardot)'s picnic plans. The next day, logan_ky (Kim Basinger) takes byron_pike (Carrie Fisher)'s chauffeur on a date and ends up necking. Nearby, miss_sheila_mcg (Gene Wilder) invents a new kind of condom and gets bsc_mallory (Eric Idle) to sell it. Everyone learns a valuable lesson.
What's Your LiveJournal Sitcom? (by rfreebern)